Near Beer Roundup: Best NA Macrobrews

Yes. They're basically lightly beer-flavored sparkling water. That's what's great about them.

The majority of beer that is consumed in the US is light beer from international megacorporations. I’m not here to argue the merits of that reality, but it is reality. As a result, the most available non-alcoholic beer options for most people are the NA versions of those beers. They don’t have exciting flavors, or complex and meaningful stories behind the beer, but they are widely available and taste a little bit like beer! Here is how they rank according to me:

5. Busch NA

Busch NA is good. It tastes like the lightest light beer you’ve ever had. But so do a lot of others on this list. The reason it is at the bottom of my list is that the can is ugly and calls attention to the fact that it is an NA beer. The huge red NA might be great if you don’t want your family worrying about you if they see you drinking one but to me the design of an NA beer should be different than the original to avoid confusion, but never call attention to the fact that the beer is NA. If I’m standing and talking to someone while holding it, I don’t want the first thing to come up to be that my beer is non-alcoholic.

4. Pabst Blue Ribbon NA

PBR NA is another one that tastes pretty much identical to most of the other beers on this list. The cans have ok design that doesn’t scream NA, but it is less widely available in my experience. PBR NA is a solid B-tier NA beer.

3. Coors Edge

Coors edge seems to have a bit more flavor than the others on this list, but that may be an illusion entirely owing to the fact that it comes in a bottle. Sometimes it’s really nice to drink beerish liquid from a bottle. Coors Edge is my go-to video-lottery casino NA beer.

2. Old Milwaukee NA

This is where we start getting into the NA macrobrews I keep in my fridge at all times. What sets Old Milwaukee NA apart from all other NA Macrobrews is the absolutely banging can design. It’s classic. I feel like I would find this can in the bottom of a box in a barn that hadn’t been cleaned since 1974. I want to drink 40 Old Milwaukee NAs while Bruce Springsteen plays on a car radio and throw the empties into a quarry (and then go clean all the cans up and drive home safely because I would still be sober and I don’t litter.)

1. Budweiser Zero

It was hard to decide between the top 2 but the fact that it actually tastes the best puts Bud Zero over the top. The difference in taste between it and the others on this list is miniscule. But it’s there! I think the fact that Bud Zero is 0.0% alcohol is why it tastes better. It was never brewed and then the alcohol evaporated off as is the case with lots of 0.5% or less NA beers. It is literally beer flavored sparkling water. And sometimes you have to just admit that that’s what you’re looking for.

Thank you for joining me for the first Drinks for Not Drinking newsletter! I have lots of thoughts on drinks and look forward to foisting them upon you!